Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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