i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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