I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The uberlube is also flammable
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
