8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is wine microwaveable?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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