Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
