the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
