quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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