she smelled like a LAN party
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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