I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
