haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
