theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
