What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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