I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
