She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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