you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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