And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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