I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize