i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize