someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
