We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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