Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
