Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
