dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
