Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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