is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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