he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
