We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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