I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
