you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize