So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
