finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
