Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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