I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
