I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
