Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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