guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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