I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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