2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
