So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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