Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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