My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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