So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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