My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How does one acquire holy water?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
