yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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