guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
