i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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