I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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