I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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