remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
