Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
