no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
