Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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