you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
