i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
