it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
