How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
