I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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