gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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