I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
