I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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