found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
