the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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