Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize