I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
