She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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