I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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