we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
