Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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