Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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